This coming week I face that annual date where certain things just stare you back in the face and I must admit...normally I try...I mean I really do put effort...into trying to be positive...but this week....with this date...it is really hard for me to keep that up and I do have a hard time with it.
I know I know...I should look to the positive...the good things in my life...those things that I really am remarkably grateful for...
and I am grateful...but I guess this is the one time in the year that...well...I just simply have to look at my own personal reality...as an individual....not just as a father/husband/professional/etc. etc.
Outside of my roles and relationships I am an individual and I sometimes struggle with my own reality. I think it was Henry David Thoreau that said, "most men live lives of quiet desperation". I may not have it exact but it is along those lines and I believe I agree with this. This is where the feeling of a loss of control in one's life comes into play and certainly part of that loss is in the aging process and the fact that we are all....and more objectively....I am....approaching an eventual end.
While that does come out a bit morbidly I must admit there is a variety of different levels of desperation and fear attached to this for me. The fear of some illness taking over my body...a sudden accident which will hurt me...or I think the thing I fear the most...the losing of my intellectual capabilities...not being who I am anymore....ack!
We all have these things to look forward at...not to of course but definitely at...and decide how we will proceed. I teach and even preach to people that one needs to think about who they are and who they want to be before one gets into the position of being faced with decisions and change. How you decide and what you act on do actually make up who you are.
Even though I have reached my dawn...and I have moved on...I forever watch the changing of the guard...and I see...how I will forever be losing me.
Piece by piece, mile by mile, I go the course of time, but I stay strong, because I am forever where I belong.
It's funny how creative expression...no matter how old one becomes...still holds strength in the message and a personal truth...which reigns.
