I just wanted to say...

Some days are created just so that we remember that we are NOT the most important person in the world...and that in the best of times we can hope for being treated with some dignity and respect but not in any amount that will go to our heads because it is false. In the times that are not the best we must make due with the simple understanding that we are not always the person that is most important...and it is OK for life to be so sometimes. But either way...remembering the things which are more important to one's growth and forward motion...most often return to the idea that it is people...and relationships in one's life...that are most important.

Today was a good day...and yet there were things in my day that had me in pain...wincing and limping...hoping for some part of balance to visit my furrowed busy mind with a break from the stress and pressure that I put myself under. But all in all...this was a really good day.

I got to go to a movie with my daughter...just her and I...the big daughter....something we do not get or take might be a better way of putting it...the time to do often...and I had a good time...we laughed and talked...shared each others company...and in the end I am glad and even honored for even the possibility to spend that time together alone with her...much needed and not often enough taken...and I will say...thank you Harmony...for being such a great person...and you are fun...and funny...and while I am at it...thank you Heather...for watching short stuff for us so that we could get this chance to enjoy each other's company for an evening. I had a blast! Thank you ;)

Sarah is two!!!

I am continually amazed at the way time invades my sense of security and safety and yet, I am always rewarded by how much the work I have put in previously in my life comes back in ways I haven't even expected...and that is to say there is a legacy and I have at least done some things right.

Sarah turned two yesterday...and all my children were there. I was proud of Sarah...and I was very proud of her brothers and sister...and her two sisters Bree and Alicia. They were all there and celebrated Sarah with their time...their effort...presents...but most of all their love and attention. Seeing them all love her and be so open about their appreciation of her...well...it just made my heart swell.

I can't believe my little girl is two. I am so proud of that little girl...she is awesome!

Sarah...I love you...and Jake...Josh...Harmony...I love you guys all very much...thank you for being who you are...and being so open to share that with Sarah...you guys all do my heart good...I am very proud of you guys.




These are my girls...The Sarah Bear...and her Sissy Harmony above...and her Mommy below.



Heather...our baby girl is getting big...and I am proud not only of her...but of you as well. You are a wonderful mother to her and step-mom to Jake, Josh, and Harmony...and all of their significant others...Bree...Alicia...and Brian...and I want to thank you for who you are with them...you are important to them all and you do a wonderful job of respecting them and loving them and giving them all a great example and I am proud of you for that...thank you...I love you babe.

Ahh Fridays...

Ahh...Friday...the end of the work week...the beginning of the weekend...it even sounds nice doesn't it? Friday...hmm...it just feels like a breath of fresh air....TGIF....the day of division...separating the time of profession and transitioning into the time with the family...to ourselves...fun, sun, sleep, bleep, anything we want in an over the top relaxation or time to get some work done in an area in our lives that we would prefer to work in...gardening...building a deck...cleaning of the weeks worth of living in a home filled with busy lives...cleaning the swimming pool...tree trimming...lawn maintenance...computer work...playing music...taking pictures...drawing/painting pictures...watching movies...listening to music...reading a great book...doing yoga...BBQ's...family time...playing/watching sports...camping...short term travel...day dreaming...and on and on.

Ahh...Friday...the beginning of the freedom that we work so hard to get...the entrance to our lives apart from making money...the gateway to our life...the soft place to land in the week...the date for dates and mate for mates...the feel good, dreamy, take a deep breath day of sunsets and new beginnings. I think it is the day to celebrate because it is the day where work and play are simultaneous...we get to dress down...feel good...get relief from a harried and stress filled week and the time when we can turn our weary eyes from the world's woes to our own lives and finally...gratefully...thankfully...leave all that "stuff" at the doorstep and...breathe!

Back to it...

Ya know the more I do in my life and the older I get...the more I seem to gain more knowledge and feel dumber all at the same time. I have lots of degrees...2 Masters of Arts, 1 Bachelors of Science, 4 Associates of Arts...Certificates in Technical Drafting and Real Estate...lots of education...the only thing I don't have yet...and I say yet because I plan on going forward to earn at least one in my lifetime...is a Doctoral degree...and yet I feel like I am getting further behind...not ahead...

At this point in my life I thought I would be feeling better about where I am in my life...my "lot" in life...and yet I am unsatisfied in so many areas...feeling like I need to hurry up because time is against me...feeling like I know myself so well...and yet I still can't help doing some things that still bother me...and not doing things that I know I need to in order to feel better...to feel good...to feel like I have forward motion...but maybe this is the way in life...some things are great...and some things...not so much...

I have a wonderful family....awesome kids...awesome wife...awesome marriage...I have never been happier in so many ways...and we are all doing better...Heather got out of that situation that she felt so stuck in at work...even though they did wrong her and I am still wondering if it is actionable...Sarah is just so awesome I can't stand it...I really love that little girl...she is so bright...and loving...so cute...and her future is so bright...I am excited for her because I know she will be great...no matter where she goes or what she does...she isn't even two yet...but I can see it in her...she is so awesome...and Sarah's brothers and sister are all doing really well too...I am so blessed as a father...I am such a blessed man...

I have my mind...I have my health for the most part...I have an awesome marriage...I am talented in at least a couple of areas and I am doing pretty good in the things that I do as far as jobs...my clients and my students seem to appreciate me...and the job I do for them...what am I missing?

Maybe...a little of this...

I took these shots a couple of weeks ago...actually the day of the shooting...These guys are attached to kites...and it looked like so much fun...cold....but fun...just North of Santa Cruz...

Maybe what I need is more time in my life...maybe more money so I can have that time....maybe the freedom that comes with it.....or maybe the control...feeling like I am in control of my own life...

Maybe I need to do something else...because I am screaming inside...Let me out! Let me out! I don't want to be a prisoner in my own life...set up by my own hand...How cool would it be to suddenly just break out of an old life and into a new one...oh before you get worried I'm not talking about my marriage or responsibilities as a father and husband...as I already have said...I love that part of my life...but man...we only go around once...and I am supposed to be having more fun...being more authentic...being more...welp...ME!

So...hmm...how do I do that?

Maybe....

I need to get back to it...OK...so I have been out of a band for a year now...maybe it is time...anybody out there looking for a guitarist?