Back to it...

Ya know the more I do in my life and the older I get...the more I seem to gain more knowledge and feel dumber all at the same time. I have lots of degrees...2 Masters of Arts, 1 Bachelors of Science, 4 Associates of Arts...Certificates in Technical Drafting and Real Estate...lots of education...the only thing I don't have yet...and I say yet because I plan on going forward to earn at least one in my lifetime...is a Doctoral degree...and yet I feel like I am getting further behind...not ahead...

At this point in my life I thought I would be feeling better about where I am in my life...my "lot" in life...and yet I am unsatisfied in so many areas...feeling like I need to hurry up because time is against me...feeling like I know myself so well...and yet I still can't help doing some things that still bother me...and not doing things that I know I need to in order to feel better...to feel good...to feel like I have forward motion...but maybe this is the way in life...some things are great...and some things...not so much...

I have a wonderful family....awesome kids...awesome wife...awesome marriage...I have never been happier in so many ways...and we are all doing better...Heather got out of that situation that she felt so stuck in at work...even though they did wrong her and I am still wondering if it is actionable...Sarah is just so awesome I can't stand it...I really love that little girl...she is so bright...and loving...so cute...and her future is so bright...I am excited for her because I know she will be great...no matter where she goes or what she does...she isn't even two yet...but I can see it in her...she is so awesome...and Sarah's brothers and sister are all doing really well too...I am so blessed as a father...I am such a blessed man...

I have my mind...I have my health for the most part...I have an awesome marriage...I am talented in at least a couple of areas and I am doing pretty good in the things that I do as far as jobs...my clients and my students seem to appreciate me...and the job I do for them...what am I missing?

Maybe...a little of this...

I took these shots a couple of weeks ago...actually the day of the shooting...These guys are attached to kites...and it looked like so much fun...cold....but fun...just North of Santa Cruz...

Maybe what I need is more time in my life...maybe more money so I can have that time....maybe the freedom that comes with it.....or maybe the control...feeling like I am in control of my own life...

Maybe I need to do something else...because I am screaming inside...Let me out! Let me out! I don't want to be a prisoner in my own life...set up by my own hand...How cool would it be to suddenly just break out of an old life and into a new one...oh before you get worried I'm not talking about my marriage or responsibilities as a father and husband...as I already have said...I love that part of my life...but man...we only go around once...and I am supposed to be having more fun...being more authentic...being more...welp...ME!

So...hmm...how do I do that?

Maybe....

I need to get back to it...OK...so I have been out of a band for a year now...maybe it is time...anybody out there looking for a guitarist?