OK so...this week while running my groups I talked about what happened last weekend with my guys in a few of the groups and I did this for a couple of reasons...one being therapeutic and one being a bit curious...even a bit selfish...
Therapeutically I used the events of last weekend to talk about violence in general and in the decisions that we as individuals make in specific and how they affect us, our children, our relationships, our families, our communities, and ultimately our society. The fact that each and every decision that one makes affects many others lives...and we have a choice as to what kind of force we will be in the world...someone known for and respected as a positive force and influence...or one known for and feared as a negative force and influence. We also talked about what those affects can be and the level of or lack of respect and self-respect that are connected with those affects. In other words...how one affects other people around one and how that reflects back on to the individual.
The curious...and a bit selfish reason was...I was curious and interested if any of my guys might have heard anything about the incident. Now I will say I never asked....I never directly asked anyone or any group...if they knew anything...I simply told my story and was trying to use it to illustrate a point...but three different times...in three different groups...individuals spoke up without being questioned...as to not only hearing about the incident....but knowing the young man that was shot...and all three gave me a report as to who he was (no names thank God) and what they had heard...about his condition. All three men were in different groups and so each told me what they told me independently and freely...but all three told me the same exact thing.
The young man shot on our street last week did in fact NOT die...thank God and praise the Lord for him and his family...however...he was paralyzed from the waist down. Also two of the individuals reported to me that this young Hispanic man is a gang-banger who has been shot before. They last time he was shot was apparently some time within the last year to two years and he was actually shot in the head...from the back...and had lost an eye...apparently where the bullet had exited. Left eye I believe...and all three individuals tell me that the young man is, "kinda crazy" in his behavior.
What a waste. What an absolute waste of life. A waste of time, effort, and energy. An absolute reason to change. What a story. What disrespect. What a waste.
I'm still too angry to look at what I might be able to take from this with a disconnected objective view. I am still too shattered in my view of my safe and secure world...my safe and secure home...to be separated from all the emotions that came with this...and I feel OK with that. I think I am right where I should be considering the gravity of the events. I liked my wife's recent blog...it is very close to home for me because she and I feel approximately the same way...definitely in the same ballpark.
I have to say that this whole event has changed me...as it should. But...I will not loose my positive energy in the world...I will not succumb to fear and the folly of racing imagination...looking over my shoulder to see when it might happen again. I have always been cautious...and I will remain how I have always been...but I will not give in to the risk of constant fear. We live in a dangerous world and in a dangerous time...and yet as true as that is...I live a life of peace...in the search for serenity...and balance...and no one...will push me off my path because of their selfish and self-serving ways. I will rebuild my world but I am determined that it will be better...somehow...someway...I will find the way to make things better...I mean really...what choice have I got? I have to make things better...at least to try to...that is the right thing to do...and that is who I am...and who I choose to be...in the world...and in me.
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