Somehow...someway...someday...

Have you ever had just "one of those experiences" where your life is passing by and you are in it but you are seeing it pass by as if you are watching someone else's life go by? Almost as if it were a movie you are just observing and that you are somehow separated and distanced in the experience. A separation that although an illusion...feels in the moment as if it is surreal. Some sort of a deja vu... a dream like state that is almost as if you have experienced it before...but you know this is the moment that you are in...and not another.

Sometimes...I feel as if my life has been lived before...as if I am not original in my being...that somehow...my soul is old...and that the energy that is me...the image that I possess to the outside world...is actually a review...or a recreation...of something that was once bold and new...fresh as the morning springtime dew on the light filled mint green leaf of an apple tree not positioned in an orchard but next to a small quiet stream running gently towards a bend in a sun drenched ravine with billowy cotton balls stuffed into a floating corner of an aqua sky...

Maybe I am a new soul...with new energy and I am a new creation...or....maybe I am an old soul.....rekindled and reborn...because I am not sure if it is real or imagined...if I am somehow someway so creative that I can conjure up knowledge, emotions, and wisdom that is beyond what I was sure of myself being capable of...because in some vague way I have the ability to see things as they are...and pull that knowledge at will...not all the time of course...but this happens to me in my life...I just see what is going on...the path...and I do not have access to the mechanism that creates this wellspring...there seems to be this faucet I am somehow someway always in fear of being suddenly turned off...and I am denied access to what I have always known as me...or my ability...which is a large part of who I am...and it...just.......goes........away....

Maybe I am an old soul...some...how....some...way...some...thing...inside of me...sees...there is a sense...of the prior...and therefore shines a light on the path...shows me what is going on...shows me where things are headed...and yet...I don't really know...am I illuminating a path...or just my own ego...hmm maybe somehow....someway...someday...I'll learn or know...