Welp...
Last week and the week before, Heather and I crossed milestones on our new jobs. Both of us hit the 6 months mark and are doing well. Both of us are having success and having struggles but we are making it...sure 'nuff.
I am currently less than 100 hours away of being 1/2 way to completing my 3000 hours and that is exciting. 1500+ hours and two tests away from being licensed and having some freedom to decide what I want to do next.
I haven't written in a while and haven't posted much this year so far. I am feeling bad about that because I should be sharing more and so I apologize to the two people who look at this LOL...I will try to do better in the second half of 2008.
Some of the problem for me has been stress. I am soo stressed out and I have not been doing great about releasing the pressure valves to relieve the problem for myself. I know better than this of course and so in recognizing this I am taking this as a step to try to start rectifying the problem.
One of the many things I am stressed about is money. I have been relegated to being a back up in my second job, which means they did not fire me, I am still an employee there for now...but they did take my groups and give them to another facilitator who is full time because the agency is "in financial straights" which basically eliminates me from making money from them...and in effect reducing my income.
The money I made from that 2nd job, for the last 6 months, has all gone into a savings account to be put into an investment...although I have not invested yet because I am unsure as to what to do what with the markets being what they are now...
Is there anyone out there who has a clue about making money and has a realistic suggestion as to what I can invest this money in before it is gone?...from good intentions...of course...but gone all the same.
Right now...we are $1,600 down out of the money that I put away just....cuz....pay bills...pay this...buy that....whatever...but the money is still gone and it is not being replaced. I was able to put back $600 into the account so that the amount rifled wasn't $2,200 but well...you get the point...I want a good chunk of this into a strong investment right away...so the temptation isn't there...to get lazy...
I have spent time reading, studying, & educating myself about finance and the markets, real estate, and basic financial literacy. I have a B.S. in business from a well respected private school. But I am not a financial planner, I do not know any financial planners, and I do not know anyone who is actually wealthy.
My definition of wealthy is when... one has passive income (this is income that comes in from assets and investments that one does NOT work for) that exceeds one's expenses. = Wealthy. I do not care about being rich...having fancy this or that...I mean it would be nice...but that isn't what I really want...I want my time...so if I have assets and investments that pay enough to pay my expenses...I will be a wealthy man...
This is my financial goal for me and my family. I KNOW it is do-able. I'm just not sure where to get started.
Is there anyone who has a clue as to what I am talking about and can help me get started? Please? What do I take a look at or who can I talk to? Any advice...anything that might help...throw a dog a bone...woof!
Anywah....this is where I want to go...got advice? :)
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
blog blog blog....
I'm not sure what it is that draws me to be so interested in the study of human nature...but I often attribute it to a study of my self and the people in my life. Ultimately though, I think it is because I relate what I learn to how I feel, what I see, those things I believe, and how I relate who I am in the framework of the world I live in. Me. But...
What are we supposed to be doing in our lives? Each of us has to figure that out for ourselves of course, but for me, I am all over the map and I am truly not sure.
I play, write, record, and create my own music. I also write in literary terms. I blog. I draw pictures and paint. I photograph and paint with light.
I teach. I counsel. I listen. I am a student always.
I problem solve. I am a seeker and I organize. I observe. I lead.
In all these things I have done almost all of them professionally.
With all this said...I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I am good at all this stuff. My passion is in the arts...music primarily...but I truly believe I would be good at other arts I haven't even done much of yet...drama...sculpture...but the point being I feel like this is really who I am. But it is not who I live to be professionally and that is at odds with what I actually live...on the inside.
So how do I resolve this? What do I need to do? I hate living the example for my kids of being someone that is not who I was put here to be...but is that really true? Am I really on the wrong track? Am I really supposed to be doing something else or am I exactly where I should be?
Hell if I know...
I go on photo shoots with my wife and I consciously try to take a lesser role often...because I want her to shine...and she does...because she is good. She is really good. So am I, but I want her to have the glory and praise.
I have pulled out of playing music professionally for the last two years...in part because it hurts me...to fiddle with it like it's some sort of hobby...when it is such a huge part of who I am. It feels like pouring salt into a wound at times...and of course at times it is a blast and I remember why I started it in the first place.
I have several book ideas and I want to be published...in something other than a blog LOL...something that I can actually make money at and have more than 3 or 4 people read LOL...but I really don't pursue this either...same with my art...my drawing...I fold it up and lock it away in me...I hide.
I hate that part of me. I feel like a coward. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I don't deserve it. The therapist in me knows where all that crappy thinking comes from...I know exactly where it comes from in me...although it still doesn't stop me from feeling it...just allows me to know intellectually it isn't true...but emotionally...it is often a different story...and that is a hard admission to make...because it is shaming...self shaming...but it is the truth. I feel how I feel.
So in the larger frame...who am I really? What am I really here to do?
I am here to tell the truth. My truth. Through my words. Through my music. Through my pictures. Through my artwork. Through my life. I am here to tell the truth... as best I can...to anyone that'll listen.
Hmm. I'm not sure that really helped me...but at least it is something. A direction. A place to start...so as not to stay corn-fused.
So I will tell the truth...and do my best to touch people wherever I can in my life...but I will fight to be healthy...and that means to tell the truth.
What are we supposed to be doing in our lives? Each of us has to figure that out for ourselves of course, but for me, I am all over the map and I am truly not sure.
I play, write, record, and create my own music. I also write in literary terms. I blog. I draw pictures and paint. I photograph and paint with light.
I teach. I counsel. I listen. I am a student always.
I problem solve. I am a seeker and I organize. I observe. I lead.
In all these things I have done almost all of them professionally.
With all this said...I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing. I am good at all this stuff. My passion is in the arts...music primarily...but I truly believe I would be good at other arts I haven't even done much of yet...drama...sculpture...but the point being I feel like this is really who I am. But it is not who I live to be professionally and that is at odds with what I actually live...on the inside.
So how do I resolve this? What do I need to do? I hate living the example for my kids of being someone that is not who I was put here to be...but is that really true? Am I really on the wrong track? Am I really supposed to be doing something else or am I exactly where I should be?
Hell if I know...
I go on photo shoots with my wife and I consciously try to take a lesser role often...because I want her to shine...and she does...because she is good. She is really good. So am I, but I want her to have the glory and praise.
I have pulled out of playing music professionally for the last two years...in part because it hurts me...to fiddle with it like it's some sort of hobby...when it is such a huge part of who I am. It feels like pouring salt into a wound at times...and of course at times it is a blast and I remember why I started it in the first place.
I have several book ideas and I want to be published...in something other than a blog LOL...something that I can actually make money at and have more than 3 or 4 people read LOL...but I really don't pursue this either...same with my art...my drawing...I fold it up and lock it away in me...I hide.
I hate that part of me. I feel like a coward. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I don't deserve it. The therapist in me knows where all that crappy thinking comes from...I know exactly where it comes from in me...although it still doesn't stop me from feeling it...just allows me to know intellectually it isn't true...but emotionally...it is often a different story...and that is a hard admission to make...because it is shaming...self shaming...but it is the truth. I feel how I feel.
So in the larger frame...who am I really? What am I really here to do?
I am here to tell the truth. My truth. Through my words. Through my music. Through my pictures. Through my artwork. Through my life. I am here to tell the truth... as best I can...to anyone that'll listen.
Hmm. I'm not sure that really helped me...but at least it is something. A direction. A place to start...so as not to stay corn-fused.
So I will tell the truth...and do my best to touch people wherever I can in my life...but I will fight to be healthy...and that means to tell the truth.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
It's that time again...
So it has been awhile since I posted last and I thought I might toss another out there. Since it has been a whole 6 weeks or so since getting back from Hawaii this last time, I have talked to two people at work, who in that time either have just gone or are about to go and I am already jealous...I think I'm hooked LOL.
This coming week I face that annual date where certain things just stare you back in the face and I must admit...normally I try...I mean I really do put effort...into trying to be positive...but this week....with this date...it is really hard for me to keep that up and I do have a hard time with it.
I know I know...I should look to the positive...the good things in my life...those things that I really am remarkably grateful for...
This coming week I face that annual date where certain things just stare you back in the face and I must admit...normally I try...I mean I really do put effort...into trying to be positive...but this week....with this date...it is really hard for me to keep that up and I do have a hard time with it.
I know I know...I should look to the positive...the good things in my life...those things that I really am remarkably grateful for...
and I am grateful...but I guess this is the one time in the year that...well...I just simply have to look at my own personal reality...as an individual....not just as a father/husband/professional/etc. etc.
Outside of my roles and relationships I am an individual and I sometimes struggle with my own reality. I think it was Henry David Thoreau that said, "most men live lives of quiet desperation". I may not have it exact but it is along those lines and I believe I agree with this. This is where the feeling of a loss of control in one's life comes into play and certainly part of that loss is in the aging process and the fact that we are all....and more objectively....I am....approaching an eventual end.
While that does come out a bit morbidly I must admit there is a variety of different levels of desperation and fear attached to this for me. The fear of some illness taking over my body...a sudden accident which will hurt me...or I think the thing I fear the most...the losing of my intellectual capabilities...not being who I am anymore....ack!
We all have these things to look forward at...not to of course but definitely at...and decide how we will proceed. I teach and even preach to people that one needs to think about who they are and who they want to be before one gets into the position of being faced with decisions and change. How you decide and what you act on do actually make up who you are.
Even though I have reached my dawn...and I have moved on...I forever watch the changing of the guard...and I see...how I will forever be losing me.
Piece by piece, mile by mile, I go the course of time, but I stay strong, because I am forever where I belong.
It's funny how creative expression...no matter how old one becomes...still holds strength in the message and a personal truth...which reigns.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Gina & Walt...please pray for them...
We have gotten back home from Maui (as of last night) and I miss it again already...but that is the least of where my mind is tonight. I have just left a note on my friend Gina's blog for her...because she is not able to do it at this time...thanking everyone for the support and love they have offered in the most terrible of times.
Late...last Tuesday night...the 12th...in Maui...after a great day of fun and sun...G & Walt got the phone call that no one can imagine getting. An accident...two sons...one survived...one in the hospital...critical...Walt was a trooper on the phone and getting information and thank God that Heather was there to comfort Gina...she was a life saver that night. G was devastated...and I can not...I will not...even allow myself...to imagine it. To be in her shoes. But there it was...a reality for G...
I felt helpless...numb...dumbstruck....how could this happen? Damn....OMG....I can't even think about it...we sat up for hours....trying to let it sink in...and trying to be there for Gina & Walt. Surreal....
I am human...I sat wanting this to not be true for G...hoping there was a mistake...and selfishly thinking of my own children...one son whom is approximately the same age...and I get sick to my stomach...I can't wrap my brain around all of it...the...all...of it....and it hit me square in the face...the reality and finality of it all...
Walt & G were on a plane the next day...their trip cut short...a pivot in their lives...nothing will ever be the same again...this is a fundamental shift in a person's reality...forever...and it will someday be all right again...but it ain't ever gonna be OK.
It's weird because I wrote the lyrics for this song...awhile ago...maybe a couple years or more...about this very thing...and this very sentiment...and it just brought it all back. I'd like to share it with you...
It Is Gonna Be All Right ©
Chorus:
It will never be OK…but it is gonna be all right
Yeah It ain’t ever gonna be OK…but it is gonna be all right
1 .And when those moments happen…and all the darkness seems like it’s night
2. And in those momentous moments…and all the blackness shows no light
3. And if those moments happen…where your heart just don’t want to fight
It ain’t ever gonna be OK…but it is/you are gonna be all right
Verse:
In all my days and selfish ways taking for granted the life I own
I looked upon the path I was on and didn’t realize how I’d grown
And in a flash of crimson ash and blackness I’d never known
I got the call that ended it all as I dropped the phone like a stone
I thought I knew what hurt could do until I heard that you had died
I never knew the depth that grew from knowing you’d never be by my side
Verse:
If I’d known I’d be on my own and living life without you
I’m not so sure that I could cure the sinking feeling of despair which grew
But in the light that I’d be right if I learned to live with love anew
I saw the fact that I’d attract the life that God gave me in real truth
I can never be so clever as to pretend that I will be the same
My life has changed and rearranged my portrait in my tear stained frame
Bridge:
But we are the chosen ones who have to take the lead
To tell the luckiest ones if not for those who really have the need
To rise above and live with love that passes through our hearts
And mending all those broken lives by telling where our story starts
Gina & Walt...I wish nothing but the best for you both and my heart goes out to you. May God bless you both for all of your days.
Namaste
Late...last Tuesday night...the 12th...in Maui...after a great day of fun and sun...G & Walt got the phone call that no one can imagine getting. An accident...two sons...one survived...one in the hospital...critical...Walt was a trooper on the phone and getting information and thank God that Heather was there to comfort Gina...she was a life saver that night. G was devastated...and I can not...I will not...even allow myself...to imagine it. To be in her shoes. But there it was...a reality for G...
I felt helpless...numb...dumbstruck....how could this happen? Damn....OMG....I can't even think about it...we sat up for hours....trying to let it sink in...and trying to be there for Gina & Walt. Surreal....
I am human...I sat wanting this to not be true for G...hoping there was a mistake...and selfishly thinking of my own children...one son whom is approximately the same age...and I get sick to my stomach...I can't wrap my brain around all of it...the...all...of it....and it hit me square in the face...the reality and finality of it all...
Walt & G were on a plane the next day...their trip cut short...a pivot in their lives...nothing will ever be the same again...this is a fundamental shift in a person's reality...forever...and it will someday be all right again...but it ain't ever gonna be OK.
It's weird because I wrote the lyrics for this song...awhile ago...maybe a couple years or more...about this very thing...and this very sentiment...and it just brought it all back. I'd like to share it with you...
It Is Gonna Be All Right ©
Chorus:
It will never be OK…but it is gonna be all right
Yeah It ain’t ever gonna be OK…but it is gonna be all right
1 .And when those moments happen…and all the darkness seems like it’s night
2. And in those momentous moments…and all the blackness shows no light
3. And if those moments happen…where your heart just don’t want to fight
It ain’t ever gonna be OK…but it is/you are gonna be all right
Verse:
In all my days and selfish ways taking for granted the life I own
I looked upon the path I was on and didn’t realize how I’d grown
And in a flash of crimson ash and blackness I’d never known
I got the call that ended it all as I dropped the phone like a stone
I thought I knew what hurt could do until I heard that you had died
I never knew the depth that grew from knowing you’d never be by my side
Verse:
If I’d known I’d be on my own and living life without you
I’m not so sure that I could cure the sinking feeling of despair which grew
But in the light that I’d be right if I learned to live with love anew
I saw the fact that I’d attract the life that God gave me in real truth
I can never be so clever as to pretend that I will be the same
My life has changed and rearranged my portrait in my tear stained frame
Bridge:
But we are the chosen ones who have to take the lead
To tell the luckiest ones if not for those who really have the need
To rise above and live with love that passes through our hearts
And mending all those broken lives by telling where our story starts
Gina & Walt...I wish nothing but the best for you both and my heart goes out to you. May God bless you both for all of your days.
Namaste
Monday, February 4, 2008
Soon now...
Soon...
Soon we are Hawaii bound...soon...
Soon we are Maui bound....my home away from home...I can wait brah...I can't wait.
I just keep breathing...waiting...wanting...trying to be patient...and having such a hard time...but it will be over soon...the waiting...and I'll be able to breathe...
I'm not sure what it is about Maui...there is something spiritual about the place...something sacred...and I feel free there...except for those moments when I think about having to come back...and so it goes...I keep listening to bruddah IZ...his high sweet tenor booming in my ears from my Ipod while he takes me away to the green wet humid island...and the tradewinds of the Pacific....and the voice of God on that wind...calling me home...it is more than just a vacation...
My job is still going pretty good...still very stressed there because of deadlines and just trying to do my best...still in a huge enormous learning curve...but it is good...I am just learning sooo much.
I miss playing...my musical life is stifled...and I feel strangled by the loss of it...but I am not sure I have the time or energy to do anything big about it at least right now...which makes me feel like I am letting myself down...but I also know I will find the time to jumpstart myself like I always do when anything else takes a lot of my time...and that part of my life suffers...I always come back to it...always...it is in my soul...I can not help it...it is a part of me...a part of who I am...if only....if only....
Dreams are funny things...careful what you wish for...and be careful of what you aim for...because you will most likely hit it...and you may not be too happy with where you end up...especially if you aim too low...I need to follow my own damn advice...
What's left? What is there now? What's next? It seems like...to me...I should be shooting for something bigger now...raising my sights...and then I have this other part of me...who wants to go to Maui...to the west coast...to visit Kihei...and see my old friend...the beloved and sacred isle...to let my heart sing again...
I can't wait to see my daughters enjoying the sand and sea...my wife stand on the beach where we were married again...the green lush tropics...and the sights of humpback whales....the tattoo shop...the sunset over the neigboring isle...and the dream...I can feel it calling already...come on Brah...it's nutting over heeyah...it is truly all....good.
Soon we are Hawaii bound...soon...
Soon we are Maui bound....my home away from home...I can wait brah...I can't wait.
I just keep breathing...waiting...wanting...trying to be patient...and having such a hard time...but it will be over soon...the waiting...and I'll be able to breathe...
I'm not sure what it is about Maui...there is something spiritual about the place...something sacred...and I feel free there...except for those moments when I think about having to come back...and so it goes...I keep listening to bruddah IZ...his high sweet tenor booming in my ears from my Ipod while he takes me away to the green wet humid island...and the tradewinds of the Pacific....and the voice of God on that wind...calling me home...it is more than just a vacation...
My job is still going pretty good...still very stressed there because of deadlines and just trying to do my best...still in a huge enormous learning curve...but it is good...I am just learning sooo much.
I miss playing...my musical life is stifled...and I feel strangled by the loss of it...but I am not sure I have the time or energy to do anything big about it at least right now...which makes me feel like I am letting myself down...but I also know I will find the time to jumpstart myself like I always do when anything else takes a lot of my time...and that part of my life suffers...I always come back to it...always...it is in my soul...I can not help it...it is a part of me...a part of who I am...if only....if only....
Dreams are funny things...careful what you wish for...and be careful of what you aim for...because you will most likely hit it...and you may not be too happy with where you end up...especially if you aim too low...I need to follow my own damn advice...
What's left? What is there now? What's next? It seems like...to me...I should be shooting for something bigger now...raising my sights...and then I have this other part of me...who wants to go to Maui...to the west coast...to visit Kihei...and see my old friend...the beloved and sacred isle...to let my heart sing again...
I can't wait to see my daughters enjoying the sand and sea...my wife stand on the beach where we were married again...the green lush tropics...and the sights of humpback whales....the tattoo shop...the sunset over the neigboring isle...and the dream...I can feel it calling already...come on Brah...it's nutting over heeyah...it is truly all....good.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Honestly...
Ya know, I am pretty sure that where ever one goes in life, the issues and problems one has is taken with them and that as much as it is a possibility to change for us...and we do change...we are still who we are underneath it all.
I say this because no matter how much good I try to do...and no matter how much changing I actually do...there is something out there...always...that is just waiting to rear it's ugly head and try to convince me that somehow or another...I am in some way screwing something up.
But my question is why does it always seem to be about deficiencies? I mean honestly...why is it that it is so easy to focus on the negative in our lives and relationships? It is truly a more unhealthy means of communicating and when we talk to each other in these kinds of ways we end up tearing each other down. So what is the point of it really? Frustration? Envy? Spite? Resentment? A general lack of our own self-esteem? Not being able to be more creative in our approach? What is it?
It is about fulfilling a need of some sort...I do know that much...but what the payoff is I am not sure. I guess it is different for each individual and even each situation. But honestly...it is tiring. I so want to focus on the good in my life. The positive stuff that helps me to keep on going. I mean really...why is that so hard to do?
I want to be honest. With myself and with everyone else. But honestly...I hurt people and scare people when I am totally honest...so...there ends up being some sort of a balance there...a filter. I will be honest...but not tell you everything necessarily...and then we can still be OK with each other. But honestly...that sucks.
I would much rather just tell you like it is...and then hear it back the same way from others...so that I can know what I need to work on...and give you the same...but not be told in some demeaning fashion...that is out of wanting to jab at me...but to help me change...in a way that supports and even facilitates change in me...it seems like people are so concerned with their own stuff...that we forget how we are making others feel when we tell them what we think...so where is the middle ground? Where does it become balanced? How do I balance my needs with those of others?
I guess these are the eternal questions...this is life...it is messy...and real...but it is what it is. Honestly...
I say this because no matter how much good I try to do...and no matter how much changing I actually do...there is something out there...always...that is just waiting to rear it's ugly head and try to convince me that somehow or another...I am in some way screwing something up.
But my question is why does it always seem to be about deficiencies? I mean honestly...why is it that it is so easy to focus on the negative in our lives and relationships? It is truly a more unhealthy means of communicating and when we talk to each other in these kinds of ways we end up tearing each other down. So what is the point of it really? Frustration? Envy? Spite? Resentment? A general lack of our own self-esteem? Not being able to be more creative in our approach? What is it?
It is about fulfilling a need of some sort...I do know that much...but what the payoff is I am not sure. I guess it is different for each individual and even each situation. But honestly...it is tiring. I so want to focus on the good in my life. The positive stuff that helps me to keep on going. I mean really...why is that so hard to do?
I want to be honest. With myself and with everyone else. But honestly...I hurt people and scare people when I am totally honest...so...there ends up being some sort of a balance there...a filter. I will be honest...but not tell you everything necessarily...and then we can still be OK with each other. But honestly...that sucks.
I would much rather just tell you like it is...and then hear it back the same way from others...so that I can know what I need to work on...and give you the same...but not be told in some demeaning fashion...that is out of wanting to jab at me...but to help me change...in a way that supports and even facilitates change in me...it seems like people are so concerned with their own stuff...that we forget how we are making others feel when we tell them what we think...so where is the middle ground? Where does it become balanced? How do I balance my needs with those of others?
I guess these are the eternal questions...this is life...it is messy...and real...but it is what it is. Honestly...
Sunday, December 30, 2007
A new beginning...
I'm not sure how my life will unfold from this point on...but I am pretty sure at this point in my life that I am on a path that will take me to a place I will be happy about and at least feel good about my choices.
Today is Sunday evening and I finished my third week last Friday at the county as a clinician. I am overwhelmed but my supervisors and peers are telling me that I am doing very well and right on track. Awesome!!! One supervisor told me that she has heard only good comments from everyone about me at this point. I am managing with a few speed bumps but I am surviving so far and I am learning so much. This is truly a gift.
I am starting to see that I just need to settle in to a groove just like I did with being a professional musician...just like being an instructor at a college...just like being a business owner...just like running my own domestic violence and anger management groups...just like being an academic advisor...or a job coach...or several of the other jobs that I have had...it is just a matter of patience and persistence...of perspective...and adaptation.
Christmas has passed and we had a blast. You would have seen some of this and heard about it on Heather's blog by now I'm sure. We had such a good time with each other and with all the kids at Josh and Bree's house. It is so cool to have the chance to give each of them things that you can see in their eyes that they truly appreciate...I...just....love that. Everyone felt good and enjoyed themselves I believe. A few were a little under the weather but aside from that I think it was a great day.
Today was another great day. The boys weren't there for different reasons and Harmony is visiting family out of state...but we had a great time with family members and Sarah today. Again there are lots of things about it all on Heather's blog so I won't be redundant but suffice it to say that I am, as Heather is...so proud of that little girl and I love her so much. She has brought so much joy into the world and I am so grateful to be her dad. What an honor.
I am really really proud of all of my kids and I know that most parents wax on about their kids and all...but I frankly have real reasons to be proud of each and every one of them. They are all awesome people and I am just a blessed man for having been given the opportunity to have these great people in my life. It is an honor and I am humbled by the gift from God.
In my work now...I am spending time with a wide variety of people and some of them are really struggling with issues I would not wish on my worst enemy. I am trying to attempt to help them and I know in a few cases for sure I have been able to already...at least a little bit for now. But I wouldn't want to trade places with them. I do not know how I was so blessed...but boyOHboy am I glad I have been. Even with all the junk that has gone along with it...cause it has not been an easy road...and there are things to face in the future I refuse to look at currently...I still see more blessing than anything...and days and weeks like this just go to reinforce this belief in me.
All this and I have an awesome wife to boot. We have our struggles as everyone does...and there are things that we work on to improve...but we are a team...rough around the edges...but a team...and we are family. I can't think of anything better in the world...anything more important...anything more valuable...and anything more worth...my time and effort. It is my family that makes my world worth living in...and I mean...living in...being engaged in...plugged into...part of...present...in every meaning of the word.
It is this way...because I care. It is this way because WE care....and that....makes all the difference...
This is not new...but there isn't anything more important. I wish and hope for all that read these words...that you may find or have found these things in your own life. I hope for you a life of caring and commitment...a life of new beginnings...and of realizing the importance of home...being in your families...and the work that it takes...to make them healthy and strong...the work never ends...the effort is as alive and breathes as any of the members of the whole...you don't forget...to love each other...love is a verb...an action...and when it is acted upon...it is returned. May God bless you and yours...belated Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year...and a safe and sober one...
Today is Sunday evening and I finished my third week last Friday at the county as a clinician. I am overwhelmed but my supervisors and peers are telling me that I am doing very well and right on track. Awesome!!! One supervisor told me that she has heard only good comments from everyone about me at this point. I am managing with a few speed bumps but I am surviving so far and I am learning so much. This is truly a gift.
I am starting to see that I just need to settle in to a groove just like I did with being a professional musician...just like being an instructor at a college...just like being a business owner...just like running my own domestic violence and anger management groups...just like being an academic advisor...or a job coach...or several of the other jobs that I have had...it is just a matter of patience and persistence...of perspective...and adaptation.
Christmas has passed and we had a blast. You would have seen some of this and heard about it on Heather's blog by now I'm sure. We had such a good time with each other and with all the kids at Josh and Bree's house. It is so cool to have the chance to give each of them things that you can see in their eyes that they truly appreciate...I...just....love that. Everyone felt good and enjoyed themselves I believe. A few were a little under the weather but aside from that I think it was a great day.
Today was another great day. The boys weren't there for different reasons and Harmony is visiting family out of state...but we had a great time with family members and Sarah today. Again there are lots of things about it all on Heather's blog so I won't be redundant but suffice it to say that I am, as Heather is...so proud of that little girl and I love her so much. She has brought so much joy into the world and I am so grateful to be her dad. What an honor.
I am really really proud of all of my kids and I know that most parents wax on about their kids and all...but I frankly have real reasons to be proud of each and every one of them. They are all awesome people and I am just a blessed man for having been given the opportunity to have these great people in my life. It is an honor and I am humbled by the gift from God.
In my work now...I am spending time with a wide variety of people and some of them are really struggling with issues I would not wish on my worst enemy. I am trying to attempt to help them and I know in a few cases for sure I have been able to already...at least a little bit for now. But I wouldn't want to trade places with them. I do not know how I was so blessed...but boyOHboy am I glad I have been. Even with all the junk that has gone along with it...cause it has not been an easy road...and there are things to face in the future I refuse to look at currently...I still see more blessing than anything...and days and weeks like this just go to reinforce this belief in me.
All this and I have an awesome wife to boot. We have our struggles as everyone does...and there are things that we work on to improve...but we are a team...rough around the edges...but a team...and we are family. I can't think of anything better in the world...anything more important...anything more valuable...and anything more worth...my time and effort. It is my family that makes my world worth living in...and I mean...living in...being engaged in...plugged into...part of...present...in every meaning of the word.
It is this way...because I care. It is this way because WE care....and that....makes all the difference...
This is not new...but there isn't anything more important. I wish and hope for all that read these words...that you may find or have found these things in your own life. I hope for you a life of caring and commitment...a life of new beginnings...and of realizing the importance of home...being in your families...and the work that it takes...to make them healthy and strong...the work never ends...the effort is as alive and breathes as any of the members of the whole...you don't forget...to love each other...love is a verb...an action...and when it is acted upon...it is returned. May God bless you and yours...belated Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year...and a safe and sober one...
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