One wedding, one moving out, one job loss, & one possible transplant...

Today is a good day...and a sad day...for me.

I had the honor of walking my little girl down the isle yesterday...watching her wed her love and taking a huge step into adulthood. I woke up this morning feeling the absence of her in our home and wishing it weren't so...and yet...happy for my little girl....who is not a little girl anymore...she is an adult embarking on her life...with hope and expectation. She worked very hard yesterday making sure everything was getting done and was out there in the morning working in the sun to ensure a good evening. She had fun and she worked hard...what more could a parent ask for...I was very proud of her. I am very proud of her. She is a grown woman and she is a good woman.

My son...Joshua...officiated the ceremony and he did an amazing job. He was nervous but well prepared and made us laugh and cry and think. He took on the honor of doing this for Harmony very seriously and he took on the commitment with passion. He also did this with a sense of humor and humility. I was proud of him. He is a good man.

My son Jacob was there to celebrate with us and acted as a witness for Harmony...signing his good name to say that he was there and supported his sister...even when he didn't feel well and he is going through a very tough time in his life right now. He was present and participated and laughed...and made others smile. He was in the moment and present. I am proud of him...he is a good brother and son....he is a good man.

Sarah was so cute...running around blowing bubbles and playing with Bella and another little girl close to Bella's age...taking pictures of everyone in the crowd with her Dora camera...enjoying the crowd and the day...taking full advantage of being a kid and being the oldest of the little girls who kept following her...never slowing down and laughing all the day through...especially...when her brothers, her new brother in law, and his friends and family started this cacophony of fart noises with the neon colored putty in a jar called Flarp! which sounded very much like Blazing Saddles when they sat around the campfire eating beans. Heather bought a case of these things at the dollar store so that everyone could join in the fun. Sarah was in the moment and had a blast...she kept saying...that's disgusting!...pphhhtt!...LOL...she was very good with the kids younger than she...I was very proud of her. She is a very good girl.

Breanna...Joshua's wife...was very supportive and present in the moment. She supported Josh and took care of Zeus...their big dog...so that Josh could focus on what he was there to do. I was proud of her and she is a good woman. My son is blessed to have her as a wife and in his life and I am very happy that she is there with him.

Alicia...Jacob's partner and long time girlfriend...did a fantastic job of making the cake, red white and blue complete with an American flag fitting for the occasion, and being there, being present, and having a good time. I was proud of her and she is a good woman. My son is blessed to have her in his life and as his partner and I am very happy that she is there with him.

Brian...my new son in law...has been a big help in getting ready for the day...he mowed our front and back lawn twice in preparation for the upcoming day...no small feat since our back yard alone is 70' x 70'. He was out there helping yesterday morning and he helped me get my P. A. gear from storage and I greatly appreciated that. He manned up and he is trying to do right by my daughter and I appreciate that more than he knows...I was proud of him. He is a good man. My daughter is blessed to have him as a husband and in her life and I am very happy that he is there with her.

Heather worked very hard and long to make the day special for Harmony...trying to take care of me...thinking about Jacob and wanted to make sure he felt included...thinking about Joshua and supporting what he needed to do...trying to keep people on task while being a good Mommy to Sarah as well...she put out a lot of effort and I noticed...and appreciated it...she did good...ya did good buttercup! I was proud of her...and she is a good woman. I am glad to have her in my life...in our lives.

Harmony's mom Sandy and her husband Mark were here in the morning working on the back yard and putting in long hot hours and hard work helping out and getting everything prepared...and they did a great job. I was so grateful for their help and effort. Everything looked wonderful and things went off well. I was proud of their teamwork and they are good people. Thank you guys for your efforts.

Kymn was there with bells on and camera in hand...snapping pics and catching the moments during the ceremony so that we could focus more on what was happening...we took some pics and video anyway but it was so nice not to "HAVE TO"...and we could focus on Harmony and what the event was all about...we both appreciate her efforts and we are blessed to have had her help. Thank you so much for being there and helping us out...as well as your spicy turkey.

Both families seemed to get along and have a good time. Brian's dad serenaded the group after the ceremony with a couple of songs on his acoustic guitar and harmonica. Heather took pictures and I took videos...and everyone mingled and then got to the buffet table and got down to the food. I cranked up the music through my P. A. and we all had a good time. We created a nice time but more importantly a great memory.

We capped off the night with conversation with Josh as everyone dwindled away and went off on their own ways...saying goodbye to Harmony was hard...and it signified the end of an era for us...for me...the youngest of my earlier set of kids...has officially moved out....and moved on. That was hard. That still is hard.

The conversation with Josh hit a lot of areas but a good deal of it was about his recent trip to Stanford and what the Cystic Fibrosis Dr's and transplant team there told him, his recent positive test for TB, and what he plans on doing with his life if he actually has the surgery. I feel like my life is surreal and I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around everything...it is all so much.

How come I seem to have to have the great...side by side with the crappy and scary....I mean really...can't it just be one good day...and leave it at that? WTF?

I am tired of being scared and worried...I do have faith in God and God has blessed me immeasurably. He has blessed me and blessed my family....but damn...it is sometimes exhausting...the push and pull of emotion and the conditionality of it all...

Maybe I am whining...but it is how I feel...and that is real.

It would be nice to have a day where I don't have to be reminded how close I am to having my whole world turned upside down...where I can celebrate without any negativity or negative feeling.

I know some will read that statement and say Hmm...it is all a choice...and I guess that's true...but I would invite you to stand in my shoes and look through my eyes for a minute before too much judgement against me. I feel like I am a positive person...I make a very concerted effort to stay positive in my life...but dangitall...come on!...LOL.

Life is indeed good...I just wish I felt better about all this. It is tough...and I would be lying if I said otherwise.

PS....we missed you guys...shell and Tracy....G & Walt...I'm sorry you guys couldn't be here...you were missed...and I hope things get better for each of you guys. I know things are tough...I hear ya ;)

God bless this mess...